Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow me.  If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it.  But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life.  And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process?  Is anything worth more than your own soul?…”       – Matthew 16:24-26

Although I’ve never been a selfish or overly self-centered person, one thing I’ve noticed in recent years since turning my heart over to the Lord is that I’m becoming less and less ‘about me’. 

One of my greatest concerns when I got married (at almost 30 years of age) was about losing my sense of self.  Like others who are combining households and deciding what to keep and what to get rid of, I was uncomfortable with the idea of getting rid of too much of my stuff because I felt I’d be losing some of ‘me’ in the process. 

Becoming a mother had a similar effect on me.  I was thrilled to finally be a mother and loved my son more than I dreamed I could, but I didn’t want being a mom to cause me to lose my own self as a person. 

Then there’s that childish part of me that feels pouty when things go my husband’s way instead of mine, and the “What’s up with that, God?” attitude I feel when life doesn’t go as I hoped, planned or expected. 

That’s why it’s interesting to me to realize that in recent years I’ve been slowly letting go of myself.  I don’t feel the need from days gone by to hang on to things for the sake of holding on to my sense of self.  Frankly, I’m not much about ‘things’ like I used to be. 

Losing my sense of self as a married person?  Being married is the most important aspect of who I am – aside from being a Christian, of course. 

Losing my individuality to being a mom?  Not a problem because it’s not an issue.  Being a mom is part of God’s calling for my life.  It’s a privilege and honor to serve Him by loving, caring for, and raising the children He’s entrusted to my husband and I.

Getting pouty when I don’t get my way or questioning God when life goes in unexpected directions?  Well, ok, I admit I’m still working on these things, but I am much better than I used to be!

So what’s the point of all this?  Today I realized that, slowly but surely, I’ve been letting go of me – and that’s a good thing!  Less of me allows for more of Him, and more of Him makes a better and more satisfied me. 

Lord, Thank you for being patient with me as I’ve learned to live less for me and more for You.  I pray that as I let more and more of ‘me’ go, that more and more of You will fill my heart and soul.  It is through You that I find true joy and satisfaction in my life, being the ‘me’ You want me to be.  In Your precious name I pray.  Amen.

 

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