I give thanks often for my husband.  He is committed 1000% (yes, I meant to type three ‘0’s) to our sons and me. I thank God that he is loving, committed, devoted, hard-working, trust worthy, of good morals, and many other good things.  I also thank God that several years ago we started growing together in the Lord’s love. 

My husband understands my love for the Lord and my driving desire to serve and please Him.  He supports me in all I do and takes over as needed with our sons when I have commitments away from home.   This weekend was one of those times.  I had the privilege and honor of being the mc of our church women’s retreat and also sharing testimony.  This meant that I would be away for two nights.  And my step-mother flew in from Indiana to attend the retreat with me, so we have had a house guest, too.

 Despite his busyness and demands from work, he’s been a gracious host, excitedly took over care of the boys for the weekend, and sent me on my way to the retreat with his love, support, and encouragement. “What a great husband”, I thought as I drove out of town, and regretted not making the time to leave him a note of my love and appreciation as I’d intended to do.  I spoke these thoughts in a cell phone conversation, but still regretted not leaving a note.  He would have appreciated it and certainly deserved it.

We had an increbliby blessed time at the retreat and I loved every moment!  Some of the sharing on the retreat included reminders about being loving wives.  And in a prayer for the women I prayed that they’d let Grace be with them when they got home and found things out of order or discovered things might have been done differently while they were away.  After all, our husbands HAD taken over so we could be away.  Someone else also warned us about Satan trying to attack and undo the good we’d done while in sisterly fellowship. 

When the retreat was over I was anxious to get back home to my family.  It was so good to see my husband and boys again!  I’d had a spirit-lifting time and was ready to share the love with them.  🙂   And what a pleasant homecoming I had.  My husband and the boys had a great time together camping.  Since they’d used my van for the camping trip, they’d cleaned it all out and filled the gas tank.  To help with the laundry that piled up in my abesence, he’d started a load before I got home and even gathered up everyone’s towels to reduce the loads that I’d have wating for me.  And since we’d all had a busy weekend, he brought dinner home from one of our favorite places.  My husband not only sent me away with love and support, he also went out of his way to make things as nice as he could for me when I arrived home. 

I’m ashamed -very ashamed to say – that although I initially recognized all these things and appreciated them when I got home, I let one petty issue later in the evening come between us.  The ‘good’ voice in my head told me that I was tired and that if God didn’t give me the words to say, and if I couldn’t say anything nice, that I shouldn’t say anything at all.  But the ‘other’ voice spoke up and had the last word.  It convinced me that I should speak up for my feelings.  My husband and I haven’t argued in a long time, but I started quite an argument last night. 

This morning, after a good night’s sleep, I clearly saw the situation for what it was.  Despite all the loving, caring, and considerate things my husband had done, I accused him of being inconsiderate of my feelings regarding an issue that now seems SO NOT worth it!!   He had taken the boys out shopping for Halloween decorations to replace some we’d thrown out last year and came home with skulls, chains, and gruesome type stuff – the stuff boys like.  I, however, do not.  And with the ‘bad’ voice as my guide I voiced my opinion, stating that I was hurt they hadn’t considered my feelings when buying these things.  Can you believe it?! 

Looking back now, I clearly see my husband had done everything he could TO CONSIDER my feelings!  And how selfish and petty of me to get upset because they’d come home with things I didn’t like.  As soon as he pointed out that he’d done it for the boys and would have preferred staying home to get work prepared for an EARLY a.m. business trip this morning, I realized how foolish I’d been, but it was too late. Now I ‘d made him mad and an argument ensued.  Then I was angry with myself. After praying in the retreat for grace with our husbands as a reminder to all of us, and knowing how Satan works in my mind by planting seeds of doubt, I’d come home and probably been the first to fall to his destructive ways.  I cannot express in words how ashamed I am.

After all my husband has done, he deserves so much better.  Although I thanked him for helping me and thanked him for dinner, I didn’t show appreciation as warmly I should have or as greatly as I should have.  I forgot to thank him for sweeping out the van and filling the gas tank.  And after spending the afternoon with boys replacing halloween decorations and then his evening getting them set up, I should have praised his efforts and shared in their joy and excitement about them. I should have risen above my own selfish thoughts to do these things.  Instead, I was exhausted and too preoccupied with my conversation with the ‘other’ voice to do any of that. 

I’ve given my husband my apologies and now I must go to the Lord to do the same.  You see, in letting my husband down, I let God down, too.  He’s the one who got me through the weekend retreat, giving me words to say and inspiring me with messages to share.  He’s the one who gifts and enables me to fulfill my desire to serve Him.  And above all, He’s my Heavenly Father who expects righteousness from those who love Him.  And He’s the one who sends His Holy Spirit to lead and guide us.  He tried to speak to me through the Spirit, but I listened to ‘the other’ voice instead. I should have gone to Him in prayer before hastily accepting the tempations of the destructive one.  Had I prayed in the name of Christ, I’d have avoided this whole situation and probably been the iniator of goodness and love instead.  He (God) deserves so much better.

Love and blessings to all,

Renee

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